Milk. They’ve turned into psycho bullies. First, they got aggressive. Now they’re just insane.
When I think about how I’d advertise milk, I think I’d not advertise it. If you want milk, you are going to buy it. It’s not like I WANTED milk but I got confused in my grocer’s dairy fridge and accidentally bought Gatorade. I’m not sure it needs ads.
But they must be feeling some sort of heat from soy, almond, and other alternative choices because this feels like year 2 or 3 of them running campaigns trying to make fun of “fake milk.”
I grew up drinking mountains of milk. Insane amounts. And once I realised I had a crappy gall bladder and didn’t digest fats well, I switched to soy. I felt so much better. This means that all the advertising in the world would not make me buy milk. No ads with tycoons pretending they’re getting rich on soymilk would make me buy cow milk. No ads trying to make soy milk sound like a bad chemistry experiment would make me buy cow milk.
But the latest ads want you to think that non-cow milk is a wacky experience with way too many ingredients. They even built a site called TheScienceOfImitationMilk.com. It’s Flash of course, and here’s the screen where you can start (where I left). Click to enlarge:
First of all, I was under the impression that a lot of milk is fortified with added vitamins. Even organic milk will have added vitamins. It’s evidently the law! So the cow milk people shouldn’t freak out that soy milk might have added vitamins and minerals.
Second of all, don’t get me STARTED on what is in the cows that produce the milk. I’m not vegan or veg. I do want animals treated humanely. And I don’t want my milk to have any added hormones or antibiotics. If milk wants to point fingers at what’s in other “milks,” they should start by letting everybody know what’s in many of the dairy cows.
Third, even if we “don’t go there,” we should still look at how milk has to be processed in order to be drinkable by most humans. Raw unprocessed milk is evidently full of bacteria that most humans can’t tolerate. People have suffered everything from temporarily gastrointestinal things-you-don’t-want-me-to-write-here to getting diseases to dying. So the milk you drink has at the very least been pasturised, but in today’s modern industrial age, it’s probably been processed way more than that.
I own a machine that makes alternative milks. I can make my own soy milk. What’s in it? Whatever I decide. But that’ll mostly be organic soybeans and water. I don’t have to put in vitamins or zinc or anything else. But I can’t make milk. I’m not a dairy farmer. A machine costing less than $100 lets me make as much soy milk as I want, and it’s good! Just a bit loud and fussy to clean. But if you want to make your own stuff, eat healthier, and save money, it’s a great way to go. I can make other milks other than soy.
Milk really needs to chill. People who love milk will buy it. People who need or want to buy something else will buy that.